I awoke this morning despite my best efforts. It seems as though that bottle of Sudafed only dried out my sinuses and made a hard, protective shell on the cornea of my eye. It's just another morning for the world to think of ways to piss me off and try and get me down. Joke is on the world today, I am at rock bottom. Nothing can compare to the sorrow I feel from the loss of my pet gerbil, Theodore. He died of asphyxiation in Harrison's anus. He should have told me he was air tight. I had to give him a burial at sea because we couldn't get him out of Harrison's rectum. He had to eat a bunch of fiber to push the little guy out into the toilet. The hardest thing I had to do was push down on the silver lever and watch him swirl into oblivion with the corn and peanuts.

I'm planning another failed attempt at suicide, but this one is going to take place at school. I'm going to ingest a bunch of Advil that has been pre crushed. Then I'm going to pour it out on my lab table and chop it into little lines like I see in the movies. After I snort it with a straw, (I still have my crazy straw from my 15th birthday at Chucky Cheese) I'm going to fall to my knees and scream something really emo like, "The powers of others far influence the course of my actions!" Then I'll sit really slouched in the chair at the nurse's office with my hair in my face and arms buried up to my elbows in my pockets.

Later on this week I plan on lamenting Christmas and what it stands for by using really big words and some made up ones like "irregardless" and "sluffmography." I hate Jesus' birthday. All I ever get are pastel cloths and the newest Best of the Moody Blues cd. I really want another gerbil. I'd name him Azreal.

Tobias kissed me today. I don't think it was in a homosexual way, though. He said he put on too much black lipstick and thought I could use some more. My penis tingled, though, and I had a really strange urge to shove a pine cone up my ass. I wrote it down in my dream log, because even though I was awake, life is but a dream. I heard that from my parental unit one time when I was very young and it has really hit home with me. I think I'll ask Tobias about it tomorrow, or just stand around swaying back and forth in my room listening to Dashboard Confessional and pretending not to cry.

Anna bought me the new Fugazi LP. Even though it's on vinyl, they are still sell outs. They aren't in touch with the fan base that really matters. Which reminds me, I need to ask my mom to drive me to Hot Topic so I can buy one of those magnetic ear clamps so people with think I have a piercing. Everyone gets real piercing, so I'm being different by not getting one, but not the same as everyone that doesn't have one because it will look like I have one.

Everyone sucks and they are just prolonging the agony of their existence. I wonder how many people masturbate to pictures of dead goats, or if I'm the only one who gets off at tying a rubber glove around the base of my penis and eating my own excrement? Its so hard to be different nowadays. I wish I had a time machine to go back into the 40's and start the whole Emo movement by myself. Wait, then I'd be famous and being Emo would be cool. I don't want that. Gah, that's another cut on the wrist at the end of the day for wanting to be popular.

I must take leave of you, trusty online blog. The Get Up Kids are playing at the local anti establishment coffee shop tonight and I want to get there before the jocks set up camp outside and give everyone in line a noogie. I worked really hard to get this just out of bed hair and don't need some juice head messing it up.

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